Level 53 isn't anything special to most World of Warcraft players. About now, if they're leveling an alt, their aim is to get to 58 as quickly as possible so they can go to Outlands for lots of quests and better gear. I'm just enjoying being what really feels like high-level. 3o felt high-level, because I got my mount. 40 felt high-level too, because I got my mount upgrade. But now 50 really feels like I'm getting somewhere.

I'm wearing a bunch of blue gear, and I have three hats that I've been switching between - one that has Defense Rating on it, for when I'm a bear, one that has Attack Power, for when I'm a cat, and one that has lower stats but is nifty-looking and purple and thus I will never get rid of it, for when I'm questing about and killing stuff so quickly that I don't need the cat one, which is a wolf head and a bit too creepy looking for casual un-form-shifted wear.

I'm hoping to start doing instances a little more. I tanked Blackrock Depths the other night, and I think it went ok. I don't tank very often, so every time I do I feel like I have to relearn all my abilities. I had also just gotten Mangle, and hadn't used it as a bear yet (loved it already in kitty form though), so I also had to rearrange my spell bars. But once I got into the rhythm of it, it got more fun than nerve-wracking.

Also: Grr, freaking paladins! That is all.

As level 80 is actually almost visible in the hazy distance, I'm thinking about what my expectations are, and what I want to get out of the game at that point. The Explorer title, of course - I've known I wanted that since I got Explore Durotar with Zert back in the day, and I'm well on my way. The only zones in Kalimdor and the Eastern Kingdoms Vasu hasn't explored yet are the ones that are still too high-level, and the ones that have Alliance capitals in them.

But what else? I don't expect to raid, except perhaps way down the line, one of the easier ones, if I can find a group merciful enough to take me. But I think there's plenty to do. All kinds of other achievements - the Cook title would be kind of nifty. And there's reputations too - Guardian of Cenarius would be fitting.

I don't know that I could get Ambassador with Vasu because he's not so sure about the blood elves - one of the first he met was the one in Stonetalon Mountains, and she says "You cannot imagine the hatred I possess for this wretched land. The ilk of Cenarius and the kaldorei druids at the peak employ their pathetic powers to stifle the flow of magic, even so far south of their pathetic holdings... their beloved forests." So as I've been wandering around the zone, thinking how neat it is and killing those awful Venture Co. employees, this didn't sit right with me, and ever since, Vasu has not been particularly friendly toward blood elves.

Undercity creeps him out a little too.

So I think there will be plenty to do once I reach level 80. It'll probably still take me a while to get there, but that's okay, you only see the game for the first time once. And with an expansion looming that will change everything, I want to see as much as possible before that happens.

I get to make a death knight soon. A freaking death knight! I honestly wasn't sure that'd ever happen. I think I'm going to recycle my undead mage who was one of my first characters, leveled through recruit-a-friend to level 23, spamming fireball all the way (AoE? What's that?) and then abandoned. I think she continued to adventure on her own, and then got pressed into service under the Lich King. Yes, this will do nicely. I knew I probably wouldn't play her as a mage, because I've got Zert, and leveling mages solo is hard. But I couldn't bring myself to just delete her.

So there's my post about World of Warcraft. It's long and rambly, and I really do think blood elves are ok, it's Vasu that doesn't like them, honestly. I'm feeling the need to make this paragraph longer, and then write a very short one after it, because that's the pattern of this post so far, and I'm a little obsessive like that. Now of course all this writing has made me want to go play, but there is work to be done, so the druid will have to wait.

Here's that last paragraph. For the Horde!

Work is a tricky thing. It's such an easy thing to complain about: "I've got so much work to do" or "I wish I didn't have to go to work today." Work is that thing you do to earn money so that you can have a place to live and food to eat. But if those needs were just taken care of for us, we'd still work. We would find something to do because as pleasant as it is to watch TV all day sometimes, we need to do things that engage us mentally and physically and encourage us to learn new things and expand our personal world. So on that basic level, work is a good and necessary thing.

I've been thinking about work a lot lately, both in the "I don't want to go to work today" sense and in the "things I love to work on" sense. As I've said, it's going to be a busy semester. I have always shied away from being busy. I get overwhelmed pretty easily and it's hard for me to be busy all the time. I start feeling pretty bad if I don't have enough downtime. At the same time, I see people who are doing a lot and I know they've got the same number of hours in their day as I do (unless they don't sleep... that's it! Everyone else is a robot!), but they've somehow figured out how to accomplish things. What are they doing that I'm not?

I think I'm finally starting to figure out the mysterious thing called productivity. Would have been nice to do this years ago, when I first started college, but I'll take what I can get. For me, productivity might just be about not having to do things. I shall explain. I've never had a problem getting things done for school. Yes, I procrastinate and worry but I've always gotten projects done and turned in on time. So for a while I thought that deadlines are what it took to motivate me. Now I don't think it's necessarily the case.

I know that there are some things I'm pretty good at. I'm a decent writer and a decent photographer. I've done sewing and knitting and crocheting. I've learned a little guitar, and I can build websites. I'm not humble enough to deny that I'm a fairly talented person, at least in the sense that I can learn how to do a lot of things, and I'll probably be decently good at them.

But more often than not, I don't do them. I watch TV or read or do whatever else it is that I do that isn't Productive. And since I know that I'm capable of doing so much, I feel guilty for not doing any of it. The guilt makes me feel like there must be something wrong with me because I'm not doing any of those things. Then I just start feeling depressed, and it's very difficult to get anything done when I'm depressed, and there we are again.

So I'm making a change. I'm deciding that I am not obligated to anyone to do anything. Of course this isn't true--I have to go to my job and I have to attend class and do my schoolwork. But as far as everything else is concerned, I don't have to do it. No one is making me write or design my website. So if I don't want to, I don't have to. Certainly if it makes me unhappy because it makes me feel too busy, I have no reason to feel guilty about just not doing it. No energy to do anything except play World of Warcraft after getting my schoolwork done? Then all I'm doing that evening is playing World of Warcraft. And that's okay.

Sounds simple, but it's a new way of thinking for me. I haven't mastered it yet, and I still kind of feel bad that I was technically up early enough to do some writing this morning, but I was really sleepy and ended up just sitting and drinking tea and reading. But I'll tell myself that it was okay.

Now the problem with this way of thinking is that I might just end up not doing anything. I don't think that'll happen, though. Perhaps I will spend all my free time relaxing sometimes, but as I said earlier, work is necessary and satisfying. I think that as long as I continue being honest with myself, I'll be able to do things because I truly want to do them, instead of because I think I should.

Let's see how I do.

Reading about the fires out in California creeps me out. It's one of the things that really scares me. The idea of my house burning down, losing all my things, all the memories that are in the place and in the objects. I hate losing things and things getting damaged. A house fire is the ultimate form of that. I imagine all the things I would lose if my house burned down--books, stuffed animals, furniture, all that I've had since I was a kid. The thought really does terrify me.

Whenever I read online about someone who lost their home to a fire, I practically start crying. I hear about these things from someone else posting about it on their blogs or on twitter and it's always a "help out this person" thing. And when I see them, I always help, even if it's not someone whose work I've followed or I'd even heard of before. I have to, because the thought of losing everything I have in a fire is awful.

We hear about disasters on the news, we read things like "30 people lost their homes" and it just slides over us. We think "that's terrible" but the reality of it doesn't sink in. I appreciate the people who let the rest of us know about the individuals in that "30 people" and offer us a chance to help them, even if it's only a few dollars.

I like my indexing class. It's not just because of the subject, though that's certainly part of it. I think I like it because it actually makes me feel kind of like a grad student.

My other classes don't, for the most part. Maybe my Intro to Information Policy class did, but my database class, my usability class, and my management class don't.

My indexing class assumes that I am smart enough to figure out what I'm doing on my own. It says "here are your readings, and here is your assignment. Proceed." The chat sessions are, to me, fairly superfluous, though they do help to clarify things occasionally. It certainly doesn't take an hour and a half for this clarification, though. The medium, text chat, is part of why so little information is provided in such a long period of time. So I watch tv during class and make the most of it.

I like the way that most of the readings that aren't from the book are just noted on the class website, sometimes without links, and the teacher assumes that we know how to find the material ourselves. I like that we're supposed to start working on the assignment on our own, because it generally takes at least a few days to do, and by the time the chat session comes around we should already have the assignment started, yet this is never stated. I like the consistency of the class as well.

One thing I don't like is the discussion board weeks, but that's the best way to encourage discussion in an online class, so it's tolerable.

Most of all, I feel like I'm actually learning something. More specifically, something I can actually use for a job. I think I would enjoy being an indexer.

I understand, on an intellectual level, why people get depressed in the winter. But on an emotional level, I don't grok it. (Yes, I'm currently reading Stranger in a Strange Land.)

I love fall and winter. I always have more energy when the weather cools down, and I have more motivation to do things, especially creative things. If National Novel Writing Month were in June, I don't think I could have done it.

When I can step outside in the morning and it's cooler outside than it is inside, I just can't help but feel better. The humidity is lower, the quality of the light is different, and things are just right.

That said, fall brings its own problems, namely colds. We get sick when the weather changes. And while most of the time I'd rather have a cold than a migraine, it's still no fun.

The other downside that comes to mind is just a product of my current circumstances. I am inspired to do creative things when the weather changes, but I can't drop everything, or even drop anything, to pursue them. Bills still need to be paid and I'm still a student, so I still have to work from 9 to 5, and then do schoolwork when I get home. That leaves little time for writing and photography, and even curling up with a book and a cup of tea or coffee or hot chocolate makes me feel just a tad guilty, knowing that I have schoolwork to do.

But I would rather have to deal with colds and frustrating priorities than warm weather.